December 1998
December
9, 1998 - BY HARIKESA DAS
Letter to the GBC from Harikesa. December 8, 1998
Dear GBC members, PAMHO
It is important that I write to you about my present situation, how I
feel, and the future. There has been much misunderstanding and a
clarification is required. I am sorry that I did not communicate before.
I had a severe collapse on June 2nd. I needed a long vacation. I tried to
take that. During this vacation, I came to the realization that
significant changes were required so that I could continue to progress in
my life. While going through these changes, I confronted my innermost
doubts which I had repressed for so long. While dealing with these
thoughts and feelings, I confused different devotees while acting and
speaking in an unfamiliar manner. I also acted sometimes out of anger,
which was neither good nor productive. Please forgive me for that.
I am most concerned for the welfare and future of the children. I have
seen for many years that they have been neglected and severely damaged. I
have tried to understand why this is so. I have come to terms with the
reasons why this happened and my conclusions were startling, even to
myself. I stand by these conclusions and will not step back from them, for
unless one understands the root cause of a disease, one cannot factually
cure it. As we are dealing with people, we cannot overlook their pain
simply to maintain some status quo. The child is the father of man. A
society which does not care for, protect and nurture its children is a
foolish one at best and a sick one as well. Without developing the younger
generations, a society is dead. An intelligent person will think deeply
about why such things happened in ISKCON and what were the actual causes.
While meditating deeply about the situation of the children and seeing
parallels in my own life, I came to understand that there were serious
mistakes made in the conception of ISKCON by Srila Prabhupada. Please
understand, this realization was extremely painful for me and it caused me
intense anxiety. However, I cannot deny this, neither will I make the
usual adjustments to sidestep the situation through some form of
rationalization. I know that this will mean that I am to be rejected by
ISKCON, but I cannot be dishonest with myself any longer, neither can I
maintain some official position in relation to the institution simply to
protect myself. As I have no position in the institution, neither any
desire whatsoever to recover one, I have nothing to lose by standing by my
convictions, which, although disagreeable to many, make very much sense to
me.
I do not think that admitting that Srila Prabhupada made mistakes
compromises his position as a pure devotee, for everyone within the
material world makes mistakes as this is the nature of the material world.
Unless the mistakes are deeply understood, there is no question of
correcting them. What I said about Prabhupada was in relation to the
creation of the institution, managerial affairs, and the difficulty with
the understanding of family life. I still love him as a person, as I have
always, but I am deeply hurt and need time to recover before I can be more
enthusiastic. Certainly he helped me very much and I am indebted and
appreciative to him for that. I certainly tried my best to serve him as he
wanted, even sometimes against my better judgment, and often at extremely
great personal risks, as when I preached in the East. Although others
cannot see it, we have resolved the problems within our relationship, and
all is fine.
I understand that for ISKCON as an institution to come to terms with such
an understanding would be almost impossible and I am in no illusion at
present that it will happen soon. However, it might be required. You know
what I have said about this and there is no need to repeat this here.
However, it is important to understand the circumstances surrounding the
recording of that infamous tape of early August. I do not remember the
exact dates or days of the week when this occurred, but I do remember well
the sequence of events. I was deeply thinking for many weeks about my own
and ISKCON's problems and finally came to shocking conclusions. This
caused me to erupt like a volcano. I was very angry and bitter at how I,
and other devotees, had been treated and also how I acted towards others
in turn. I was furious about the institutionalized abuse of the women and
children, brahmanas and cows, and simply blew up. For two or maximally
three, days after that, I spoke to a few devotees, not more than 8 or 12,
and definitely not to many on the telephone, as I had been accused. During
these turbulent times, my dear disciple Visvadeva das, as well as one
other, decided to tape record these conversations. Had he asked me whether
he could do that, I would have said no since I was still just developing
my ideas and especially my presentation. Besides I was mad as hell and was
not going to take it anymore. But due to the way things are done nowadays,
he chose to secretly record the conversations. Whatever his externally
expressed motivations were, he acted like a spy, and this created enormous
animosity between myself and many others.
Do you ever get very angry? When you get extremely angry, don't you say
things and do things which are not very nice? What if when you are in such
an angry condition and saying different things, someone would secretly
record you. put it on the internet and play the tape for your children and
relatives? How would you feel about that? Further, are words expressed in
anger and disappointment to be taken later on as definitive statements? Of
course not. And wouldn't any sane family member ask you how you felt about
such words after you calmed down?
On the third day, I had a discussion with Abhiram das. I expressed many of
the things which were previously recorded, but this time in a more calm
manner, with much more emotional detachment. He agreed with many things,
or at least he said so, but he said something interesting to me. He said
that I was harming his internal sentiments and that he could not take
that. I respected this and immediately stopped speaking to him about this.
After that, I did not speak in the same way. Once I said something milder
to Guru Sakti das since he asked, but I did not make it a policy to speak
to others about the mistakes of Srila Prabhupada since I did not want to
harm their sentiments.
I heard a few things which I said in that conversation from a devotee (I
have not heard the tapes or seen the transcript) and I laughed at the fury
of my expressions. Sure, I feel that my realizations were correct, but
definitely not how I must have expressed it in those few days. Some have
been pushing me to say why he did what he did, wanting to know some deeper
reasoning behind it, but I am not speaking about it, although I have my
understanding why. I do feel that there was a plan behind everything and
that in the future it will be revealed more clearly.
The way these tapes were used against me, especially in Russia, was truly
improper.
Basically I was trying to help ISKCON in my usual radical manner. I have
given up trying to do that, so please do not fear. When devotees come to
see me, which is very rare nowadays, we speak about how we were victimized
in various ways. They often tell me how I was a very large part of the
process and I feel badly for that.
There were also some problems with the Visva Toshani money. I am sorry for
this and were I to have the choice to do it over, I would not act the same
way. However, I was very much cheated, and I can document this exactly to
anyone who wishes to know the truth. (The VT people say it was not as I
perceived, but I only knew what was happening to me.) Because I felt so
cheated, I acted angrily towards those who were supposed to be my friends
(disciples?). It was wrong. I later quickly gave up all attachment to
these funds and publicly said so.
To be clear, this money never was ISKCON money. I do not subscribe to this
communistic idea that anything anyone creates while a member of ISKCON
belongs to ISKCON. This is not correct. I never signed or spoke any oath
which declared otherwise, for I felt it basically wrong and also illegal
to make one do so. I have never taken ISKCON funds. In this case, ISKCON
did nothing to create that money neither could it create the money or the
programs I did while spending it. The credit for the creation of that
money goes to Sannyas das (mainly), Brahmika das, Brahmananda Puri das,
and to a certain extent myself. It was all done privately. I simply wanted
back what was rightfully the property of those who created it. The money
would have been used for powerful rehabilitation programs for the damaged
ISKCON children and devotees. This was my real reason for wanting it.
In 28 years of ISKCON life I can honestly say I never spent one cent on my
sense gratification, although others gave me facilities out of their love
for me. I was not interested for myself, always for others. I did make
mistakes, and there were losses.
I calculated that within an 18 month period, I gave or arranged to be
given, over 5 million dollars to ISKCON and Mayapur. A large amount of
that was spent on children. Further, if you add the almost 3 million that
was taken from me by force, this comes to over 8 million dollars given. If
someone comes to the temple and gives ten thousand, he is treated like a
king. Ambarish das is revered in ISKCON, mainly because he gave some
millions. ( He is a wonderful person who I very much like and who can help
ISKCON understand how to economically deal with its devotees). I am by far
the largest donor in ISKCON's history, yet I am dealt with in a very
strange manner. It is a shame.
My personal situation is that I am going to marry Kamalasundari dd. She
has arranged with her former husband a settlement and he is signing the
papers soon. As her close friends know well, her relationship with her
former husband was over before I (re)met her, and she had moved from him
and got her own flat. It is not because of me that they divorced. I am
marrying her because I love her and she loves me. She is a wonderful
person with wonderful qualities and we are extremely compatible. I am very
happy with this. Neither of us feel that she being a former disciple of
mine disturbs this relationship or is somehow less spiritual. One can ask
her how she feels about this.
I will remain aloof from ISKCON and I will not be under the control of
ISKCON, the GBC or others, unless forced to do so. I will remain
independent. I will be a well wisher. Although I have the potential to
legally harm ISKCON, I did not do it. The German government was eager to
get me to work against ISKCON and had I done so it could have meant severe
damage in many places. Do not forget that I know everything that happened
in great detail. I am not interested to make counterproductive trouble to
anyone, but I am interested in helping the people within ISKCON who are so
important. To be quite frank, I am not interested in the institution, but
rather in SOME of the people within it. Naturally, I am no longer able to
tolerate dealing with the few fanatics and insane people. One simply has
to look at the November 17th posting on VNN (which I saw for the first
time two days ago) to understand that some are truly insane. I will answer
that separately.
People are more important than things, buildings, positions, money, power,
scores, and name. Individuals come first in any spiritual association.
I will write separately to my disciples regarding how I would like to deal
with those who are still interested in hearing something from me.
I expect that you will not be able to deal with me properly and I do not
mind and understand. For the sake of the institution, you cannot keep me
within your ranks and you must 'protect' the society from me. At present,
I do not want to be in ISKCON, neither am I interested in starting my own
movement or being some kind of leader. I will live my own life, whatever
that may be, under the direct guidance of Their Lordships. I will do good
for others, as I always have done in my life.
What do I want from you? Nothing really except that you will first of all
forgive me for my harshness, and for my acting improperly during the last
months. You may do what you like to me, but I will love you still. I am
well protected although I fear ISKCON fanatics who might decide that
demons like me do not deserve to live peacefully. Perhaps you can help me
somehow? Maybe I did something for you in the past? Maybe I can also do
something in the future too? Maybe what I have to say and what I have
learned could help the devotees? It all depends on desire.
I also want that if I sometimes would dare to enter an ISKCON temple, that
I be allowed to see the Deities which I love. I will bring no followers
(are there any?), and will not speak to anyone except to say Hari Bol and
ask about their welfare. I would also like to be able to visit Mayapur and
perhaps stay there sometime. I would also like that my room there be
preserved as it is now. After all, I paid for it, as well as dozens of
flats, and gave lots of money.
I have nothing to do with the BBT or BBT money in Russia. I am not
instructing anyone to take anything or do anything, although I maintain
close personal relationships with many. I am not leading or even
instructing the devotees in St Petersburg, although I have given hints how
to make economic independence for the devotees and how to keep them
interested in worshiping the Deities. You must deal directly with
individuals when there are problems with them. Do not ask me to interfere
in these situations as I have nothing to do with them.
I am sorry for all the trouble I have caused you. Please forgive me.
Please give your heartfelt blessings to me and Kamalasundari dd so that we
can live a happy life, although I am already quite old. Believe me it is
quite difficult to build up a life from the age of 50.
I wish you well. I wish that the devotees develop in their Krsna
consciousness more and more. I wish that the children will be protected
and the spiritual connections between devotees developed and nurtured more
and more. I wish you all success in your endeavors to develop love of God
and bringing Lord Caitanya's yuga dharma to the world.
I end with offering you all my love. I do remain your well wisher. Please
tolerate my cutting comments. Good luck to you.
Harikesa
Fired, Pending Review? |
December
10, 1998 - The GBC
Executive Committee has issued a statement to "suspend [Harikesa] as
a guru in ISKCON", pending a review in Mayapur 1999. "Lack of
faith" is given as reason for this action. This policy of suspending
gurus has raised many questions in the past, as some have asked, where in
the bonafied vedic shastra it is stated that a guru can be fired from his
job. According to vedic standards only a Sudra can be fired from his jobs,
since he is employed. Even a Vaishya cannot be fired, since he is
financially independent, what to speak of a Ksatriya or Brahmana. As
"Authority for this decision" the GBC quoted from "ISKCON
Law" - the new(age) shastra?
(Text from COM)
Date: 09-Dec-98
Subject: Notice from the GBC Executive Committee
Status of Harikesa dasa - Tuesday, December 8th, 1998
On August 12th, 1998 the GBC executive committee issued a statement on the
status of Harikesa dasa acting as an initiating spiritual master in
ISKCON. At that time he was put on probation, with the hope that his
difficulties would be of a temporary nature. It now appears that his lack
of faith in Srila Prabhupad and his inability to represent the standards
and teachings of our disciplic succession and Vedic shastra are deep and
on going. Thus we are obliged, according to ISKCON law and out of care and
concern for those initiated by Harikesa dasa, to suspend him as a guru in
ISKCON. This status will be reviewed again and adjusted accordingly at the
Mayapur annual meetings in February of 1999.
The August 12th decision to place Harikesa dasa on probation came with a
set of guidelines for rectification. To date there has been no positive or
encouraging movement in this direction, rather it appears that he is
moving farther away from Srila Prabhupad and Vedic standards and
philosophy. Therefore we are obliged to make this statement.
We recognize that this is a very painful and troubling situation for those
initiated by Harikesa dasa. We are all fortunate that there is always the
security and shelter of Srila Prabhupada's books, his personal example,
his service, the Deities, and above all the association of the Vaishnavas.
Taking shelter in these will protect you spiritually in these difficult
times.
There is no doubt that Srila Prabhupada will extend his special mercy to
all of you to help you in your progress back home, back to Godhead.
In the way of practical application, the status of suspension means that
it is not longer considered appropriate to offer the standard worship
given to a guru in good standings. There should be no conflict because
Harikesa dasa himself has repeatedly stated that he no longer wishes to be
seen in the role of a spiritual master.
We in ISKCON appreciate Harikesa dasa for his many past accomplishments in
devotional service and join you in prayers that he will one day revive his
full faith in Srila Prabhupad and the ability to work within the standards
and system of mangement Srila Prabhupad, as the founder/ acharya of ISKCON
personally established.
Your servants,
Ravindra Svarupa dasa, Sesa dasa, and Badrinarayan dasa
PS: See "attachment" for the appropriate ISKCON laws
ATTACHMENT: Authority for this decision
ISKCON Lawbook
6.4.4.2 Emergency Reports
If any approved guru has: 1. taken reinitiation/shelter of a non-ISKCON
guru or institution;
2. rejected ISKCON or Srila Prabhupada; or
3. undergone a change of service, of arama, or of living situation, which
the local GBC member feels threatens to hamper the approved guru's ability
to give guidance or to set a proper standard of conduct for disciples,
then the GBC member shall submit an emergency report to the Executive
Committee. If possible, this report shall include a written statement from
the guru in question as to his intentions in regard to his disciples and
his devotional service.
If not possible, then the report shall at least include a description of
the approved guru's intentions as best they can be discerned through the
investigation of the GBC member.
The report shall also contain any other information which would be of
value to the GBC Body in determining the guru's status, as well as the
recommendations of the local Temple Presidents, zonal councils, etc.
The Executive Committee shall review the emergency reports and take any
necessary action.
6.4.5.3 Suspension
If a
guru blatantly ignores the terms of probation, or repeatedly breaks one or
more of the regulative principles, or acts in a manner which seriously and
harmfully disregards existing ISKCON or GBC policies, or leaves his arama
of sannyasa without authorization, or leaves the assocition of devotees
and the ISKCON movement, or completely deviates from standard sadhana, he
may be suspended. If a guru is suspended he cannot give initiation, nor
maintain an absolute siksa position in relation with his disciples, nor be
introduced as a spiritual master, nor perform his guru functions such as
receiving guru-puja or the acceptance of daksina. (end)
Harikesa
Letter to Disciples |
December
18, 1998 - BY HARIKESA DAS (VIA COM)
Is Harikesa speaking of himself
when he is saying now: "Some disciples were simply using me to
fulfill their material desires while cloaking themselves as spiritualists
and spiritual leaders"?
The following letter from Harikesa to his disciples may shed some more
light on the current mindset of this former ISKCON guru and Chairman of
the GBC. Some say it is another attempt of Harikesa to regain control of
the dwindling number of disciples who are willing to support him, by
redefining his relationship with them ("no socks or bead bags
please" - just money?).
This after, as some say, recent attempt to iron things out with ISKCON
which prompted the GBC to fire Harikesa immeadiately without waiting for
the Mayapur meetings in 1999:
December 13, 1998
My dear disciples and former disciples,
Hare Krsna. This letter is a further clarification of my recent letter to
the GBC. It is specifically meant for you. When loving relationships
between people are real, they cannot be broken or forgotten due to
external circumstances. Although some have rejected me, some think me
crazy, some think me offensive, some want to forget me and accept some
other guru, and on the other side some think that things are moving in a
positive direction, I cannot give up our relationships, for they are real
to me.
I am the kind of person that when one does something for him, he never
forgets this and always tries to work for the benefit of that person.
However, I am extremely sensitive and when others think badly about me or
start projecting their negative energy on me grossly or subtly, it causes
me pain and sickness. Because of this, despite my deep desire to nourish
our relationships, I have to a large extent become very disappointed and
discouraged in many relationships. I know that some of you are still my
great well-wishers and this shows in your support of me at this point. I
also know that some of you are actually very deep friends of mine and I
very much appreciate this.
However, there are some who wish me harm.
I can no longer maintain relations and dealings as I did before with each
and every one of you. It has become obvious to me that some disciples were
simply using me to fulfill their material desires while cloaking
themselves as spiritualists and spiritual leaders. Understanding this has
been one of my greatest disappointments in life. As more time passes since
my collapse, it becomes increasingly clear what each want from me, and
more importantly, what I am capable of healthily giving. Understanding
this has forced me to reconsider my commitment to my relationships in
ISKCON.
I have understood that I find it very, very hard to say no to someone. I
usually say yes to most things that people want unless it is damaging to
themselves, and even then it is very difficult. I never considered saying
no to someone when it would be damaging to me. I gave money to almost all
who wanted or needed it, I gave my time to everyone, I gave my energy
completely to others and I rarely, if ever, had the good judgement to just
say, 'enough.' Even when I was on my so-called 'vacation,' I was engaged
in working and satisfying the desires of others. A recent experience I had
with a devotee who came to help me was the straw that broke the camel's
back, and I feel that it is time to write what I honestly feel and think
about me and the way in which our relationship can manifest in the future.
From this point on I can no longer just accept everything that others
want. I will now start to consider what I want and what I need first, and
later, perhaps much later, I will again start to consider what others
need. At this point in time, and continuing for some indefinite period of
indeterminate length, I wish to ask my disciples to stop expecting
anything from me. Do not expect me to return to ISKCON, and do not expect
me to act towards anyone in any particular manner according to some
customs or traditions. Do not expect me to continue working for you as in
the past and do not expect me to look as you might think. Do not expect me
to be always available to answer letters, phone calls or e-mail. Do not
expect communications from me unless there is some need from my side as
well. As I have to take care of my life, and especially the needs of my
family, I do not have the time, energy or inclination to spend hours each
day reading and answering communications from others which do not relate
to me according to my situation.
I have been sometimes reading letters sent to me when I can, and I enjoy
your good wishes. Just know it that I do love you still. Here is an
example which can help you understand how that love will manifest. When I
got sick, many sent letters with donations which were all taken away by my
secretaries and which I never saw again. After the word got out that I
wanted to change my life and I hinted that I might get married for I felt
this was the best situation for me to survive, all donations stopped.
Since that time there were only three occasions when disciples gave me
something (outside of my dear friends from Armenia and some from Russia
who have turned out to be truly loving people in all respects). I suppose
you all thought that if I wanted to do something that you thought was
wrong, then you should not give me donations anymore although you write
that you love me. Fair enough. Just consider the situation from my side
and you will start to understand that I cannot continue to work or worry
for your benefit in the same manner, although I love you still. This is an
example. Even were you to give me money again, I would not continue in the
same way as before. I used the example of the money to show how
conditional these so-called spiritual relationships in ISKCON are. They
are very dissatisfying and shallow because they are actually impersonal,
although it is not so obvious how.
I am sure you are wondering how I will relate to you. I wish to be a
person who has some knowledge and realization (perhaps a lot) which I can
share with you for your benefit. I think that I can actually give you
something which you sorely need. I do not mean advice on how to follow the
process of sadhana bhakti, simple questions of philosophy, resolving
problems in your family life or how to become faithful followers of
ISKCON. I do not mean questions of your personal suffering, psychological
and emotional disturbances and material needs.
Since you can so easily get your other questions answered by the many
eagerly awaiting gurus and leaders in ISKCON who are dedicating themselves
to protect you from me and what I say, there is no need for me to do that
anymore. What I can do is to give you some ideas which will help you
mature as people who are endeavoring for perfection along the spiritual
path. I am a teacher by nature. It manifests all the time as I am
constantly instructing others in all aspects of life. Although some cannot
understand it, my knowledge and realizations have only increased in the
last year.
I am quite aware of many things and am not afraid to explain it to those
who are mature and capable of understanding. But one has to want to
understand things which are not conforming to the comfortable norms before
discussing such ideas. It is not that I will discuss such things every
day, neither necessarily with any person who I meet at any particular time
of the day or who calls on the phone. When I can and when it is relevant
and proper, I will speak to those who can hear and who will benefit from
such speeches. In due course of time I will write and this might help
some. Do not expect me to be a representative of anyone except my own
conscience and hopefully, the desires of the Lord.
Do not come to me for healing unless you are invited by me, neither should
you ask me for a loan as I have no money to give anymore. Go to Visva
Toshani since they took everything in the name of the spiritual
organization which will save the world and which is a house in which
everyone can live. Since you are all living in the same house, maybe they
will help you. As for me, I want a house in which I can live. It is
certainly not ISKCON.
Do not continue to give me your good advice and tell me what to do. If you
wish to pity me and look compassionately upon me in my fallen state, then
please write me a letter, put a stamp on it and then throw it away in the
nearest garbage can.
Let's be friends. You might like to remember what I have done for you in
the past. Maybe you will see there was some benefit. Maybe you will feel
harmed, misused and exploited. If you feel harmed by me, I am very sorry.
I did not want to harm anyone. I did what I was supposed to do
enthusiastically for I felt that although I did not agree with everything
and much was extremely distasteful to me (most significantly the way the
children were dealt with), I had faith that everything was under Krsna's
control and He would be pleased with me for following His representative
and trying sincerely to change the system from within and thus weed out
the rotten and unwanted. I tried to represent the interests of Srila
Prabhupada and his organization, ISKCON, as best I could, although many
times I felt that the gain for me or others was not reciprocal. While
maintaining the interests of the organization, to a large extent I
neglected the real interests and needs of myself and the individuals
within it. Since I so much neglected myself for the sake of the mission, I
also felt I had a right to push others for the mission, and I hid behind
the shield of the instructions of Srila Prabhupada which were to print and
distribute his books and preach by creating centers and making and
training devotees within the structure he created and by cooperating with
the GBC. The ends do not justify the means, and certainly idealistic ends
create more harm than good. I am very sorry for this.
Had I been actually true to myself and what I felt was right, I would have
had the strength to stand up earlier and get myself out of the
increasingly entangling web before I became too old. I tried this earlier,
even in the presence of Srila Prabhupada, but got nowhere. Considering
this, I was indeed a dedicated follower.
You might feel victimized or exploited by me, but I feel the same way. I
feel exploited by the needs of the institution and those within it. Sure,
if you look at the past you will see much good, much development and much
knowledge. It was not all bad, neither was I all bad. But there were
definite problems which were never addressed (indeed they were taboo) and
these unresolved problems have cracked my inner strength to go on in the
same way as before.
I still love Radha and Krsna. I still want to have darsan of the Deities.
I still love to chant and hear. I am taking a vacation from so much
reading since I have read all the books perhaps 50 or more times and
chanting hundreds of millions of times. I still want to serve and do good
for others and assist somehow in spreading the real mission of Lord
Caitanya (not the ISKCON mission) throughout the world, and doing real
welfare work for others.
However, I need rest, peace, relaxation, and a long time to heal the
wounds which very seriously developed in the momentous year of 1998. The
pain in my heart is incredible and it will not go away so easily. It is
beyond therapy, beyond chanting, beyond the resolutions of the GBC, or the
harsh words expressed by the advanced devotees on COM, or elsewhere, who
capitalize on the sufferings of others. It needs time.
I am asking you to give me that time. I have been asking this since last
summer, but no one wanted to give it to me. Almost all the statements I
wrote in those days after my collapse were stopped by others near me and
therefore you all thought that I had left you and would not communicate.
You heard what they wanted you to hear. When you finally got some
messages, they were edited by the GBC and my secretaries. I became more
and more frustrated and felt imprisoned and exploited. When I finally got
the opportunity to communicate (as they cancelled my COM account rather
quickly), the things I said were shocking to those who were not properly
informed about my condition from the beginning.
I gave you the best I had. Why not reciprocate and help me now? I do not
need pictures, socks, bead bags, or flowers. I do not need to have
meetings and darsans with you. I need to get a practical life together.
Maybe I will do something for you in the future? Who knows? You ask me
what you can call me. I have found that disciples who are still close to
me call me Visnupada and because they like it, I like it still. It somehow
fits. I know it is not the best name since it implies in ISKCON some
ongoing responsibility towards my disciples from my side, but as far as
names go, it is as good as any other. It is simply a name and not a title
or position. If you want to call me that, then go ahead for no one can
stop you or even has the right to do so. I do not like being called
Harikesa and only use that name when I am at a loss how to identify myself
to those I call or write to. If you are interested in my opinion, then do
not use that name. I would rather be called Robert than Harikesa, although
that is also not the greatest. I would like to be called by some other
name in the future.
I do not want you to pay obeisances to me. You may, if you really have the
feeling to do so, offer respects through your thoughts, words and deeds
and this is much more real than some artificial bowing to the ground while
the heart and mind is disturbed. Do not chant any pranam mantras to me. Do
not do any guru puja for me. Do not have any pictures on your altars. Do
not offer your food to me. You can offer it directly to your Deities with
love and devotion. (Ah yes, I can hear the pundits now pulling out their
hundreds of quotes and millions of lines of arguments. Spare me such
polemics, bitte).
What can you do? You can think nicely about me and pray intensely to Their
Lordships that I will be peaceful and happy in this life and return to
Them if this is Their desire. You can help me in my life by assisting me
in fulfilling my real needs without the expectation of the returns usually
associated with such services in ISKCON.
You should not think badly about Kamalasundari devi dasi. You should not
be envious of her and think that you should have been in her position. It
was and is simply not possible. As far as I can see, I could not have
lived with any other of my female disciples for any length of time, so
there is no possibility of accepting anyone else. Neither am I going to
have any illicit affairs with other women, either grossly or subtly.
Neither do I feel a responsibility to maintain or please any other women
for any reason.
It is not Kamalasundari's fault that this is so, it is simply the way I
am. I am a shy and conservative person at heart, and I am very pleased
with just devoting myself to her in a loving relationship.
Please do not try to come between us, either grossly or subtly. Please do
not project your negative energy on us if you have any interests
whatsoever to help me. Please do sincerely bless us and pray for our
welfare. Give up your former conceptions of me as your figurehead who is
the shining example of a leader you will follow back to Godhead. There are
already many shining examples in the lives of Lord Caitanya's pure
followers and you do not need my life as your example, neither do you need
the lives of others in ISKCON or elsewhere. However, everyone does as they
like and also thinks as they like, so all I can ultimately say to you is
good luck in your progressive advancement of life.
I have read some total nonsense written about me, even by those who
proclaim to know me. One good piece of advice is to learn through your own
experience and not be dependent on the words of others. Certainly one
should hear other's opinions and take them into account, but the final
understanding should come from you alone and no one else. This is most
important in your attempt to understand me (or anyone else, for that
matter), if you are at all interested to do so. It is easy to say, 'he is
fallen and is to be pitied, rejected, or corrected,' but that will not
help me, you, or even ISKCON, very much.
Why don't you just wait and see what will happen? Why not make the
adjustments in your life to stabilize your economic situation so you are
not dependent on some impersonal institution which is controlling you
through money and rules? Why not find some personal satisfaction in your
relationships with others and develop as a truly spiritual person on this
planet? Why not find a community with a heart? Maybe you will be happy.
And when you do that, maybe you will understand better what I am doing.
Do not let others push you around, or exploit you in the name of spiritual
life. Do not let anyone abuse or hurt your children in the name of some
archaic and irrelevant system. Do not accept the domination of the cold
and metallic male energy which rules ISKCON in the guise of being a loving
authority. But do accept the essence of spiritual life.
I wish you well.
|