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Suhotra "Swami" - a demon in devotee disguise

Achtung ! - attention ! - be aware: Suhotra Zombi returns
Suhotra Swami aka Roger Terrance aka R.Crowley  †9th April 2007†

PADA Newsletter, June 04,  2000

Suhotra expose
Date: 04. June 2000
From: angel108b@yahoo.com (pada)

2) REGARDING SUHOTRA SWAMI (SuS)

>To: Bhakti Caitanya Swami [10781] (received: 24-Apr-00 05:47)
>To: Bir Krishna das Goswami [21799] (received: 24-Apr-00 03:30)
>To: Prahladananda Swami [13982] (received: 24-Apr-00 03:52)
>To: Anuttama (das) ACBSP (IC N.America) [12388] (received:
>To: Ravindra Svarupa (das) ACBSP (Philad. - USA) [10233]
>To: Virabahu (das) ACBSP (GBC) [8116] (received: 24-Apr-00 01:57)
>To: Visakha (dd) ACBSP (Los Angeles, CA - USA) [2054]
>Comment: Text COM:3196432 by Prahladananda Swami
>Subject: Regarding Suhotra Swami. (SuS)
------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Members of the Guru Services Committee, please accept my humble obeisances, all glory to Srila Prabhupada. Several of you may have heard of the events from the past year around Suhotra Swami. I am the person who brought the issue to public. I am a former disciple of Suhotra Swami who traveled with him as his personal servant during the months of October and November, 1999. Our guru-disciple relationship ended in a spirit of consensus in the late February of the year 2000 in Sridham Mayapur, as I discussed with Suhotra Swami and Bir Krishna das Goswami, the GBC chairman 1999, the events that had taken place during the past year between me and Suhotra Swami (later SuS).

First of all, let me state that I am certainly full of faults, and that whoever may point out a defect in me beholds but a drop in the vast ocean of my faults. However, this does not change the facts I am presenting herein for you, provided that I have a normal sense of sight, a normal sense of hearing and that I am in a sound mental state. I am willing to undergo a medical examination to prove this if required.

In the end of my letter I have included the facts that are most relevant in considering the case. This is a most up-to-date presentation for now, with news from the past few days. Anything I have written herein I can personally confirm unless otherwise stated, and moreover, I am willing to discuss and defend my presentation in public if there be anyone who is willing to try to discredit any part of my presentation. I am always open for a rational discussion based on the facts herein presented, or any other evidence that can be shown to be factual. However, I am not interested in any form of bullying, intimidation or ad hominem attacks from the side of persons who are reluctant to face the reality.

[PADA: This "report" describes perfectly the mood that is generated by all forms of bogus, vicious cults, or for that matter, mad dictatorships, street gangs, violent criminal organizations, drug cartels and so on. "Fear tactics" are supposed to be part of an "enlightened spiritual atmosphere"? No. As is well known to every person on the street: "generating fear" is an activity of demons and is a condition of hell. These are not the activities of devotees and conditions of Vaikuntha. And "generating fear in the name of religion" is the behavior of the worst demons mentioned in shastra, the pseudo-religionists, who are described in shastra as "the most dangerous elements in human society."

There is a silk glove on the iron fist here. Notice that these types of reports are submitted to folks like Vishaka, Bir Krisna and so on, so they can bury these items under the carpet along with so many other items, and they can put up a "good front" of make pretend caring and concern, while in reality they are covering-up for the jack boots. This report thus implicates people like Vishaka, Bir Krishna and others. They are evidently well aware that (1) their "gurus" are abomiminable imitators of Srila Prabhupada, and (2) that their abominable imitation program of worship is upheld by using intentional fear generating moods, moods which now pervade ISKCON. And they not only do not speak up against it, they de facto defend the GBC infrastructure that creates these evil moods and abuses. That is why the child molestation went on by the way, the same techniques, tricks and devices are used to halt all forms of investigation. Even in 1986, Sulochana had some parents of the abused children speaking to him, but they were terrified of being made public due to the threat of violent reprisals from the GBC. Gangsters.

Thus it is well known that people who "speak up" are often given intimidation, ad hominem attacks and "bully boy treatment." Thugs. No open assessment is allowed. Forget "discussing shastra," bring your bodyguard, club, knife, gun and be prepared to defend yourself from violence. We would say that this also describes the mood of the violent goons at many temples as well, they are more like paid up bone crushers than devotees, paid to defend the temple's "showing the deity business" for the "managers."

This is also what occured in the Gaudiya Matha when they made false gurus, the whole mood turned to vicious cult violence. We are shocked that the Gaudiya Matha folks advised the GBC, and people in the West in general, to repeat this cult modus since we have got a lot more potential for murders over here than the murders they generated in India. It is simply Krishna's mercy that more violence has not occured.]

SR: I have edited the correspondance to make it more precise and comprehensible. My later elaboration as notes to what I have discussed in my exchange of letters are found inside brackets. It is obvious that SuS is not up to the proper standard of a spiritual master. We may read Jiva Gosvami define the qualities of a spiritual master, we may read it from Bhaktivinoda Thakura, we may read it from Srila Prabhupada, we may read it from the ISKCON Laws, the mandatory qualifications of the spiritual master. He will match none of them in toto. I have seen. He is a guru by vote, but he is not a guru by qualification.

[PADA: Everyone will eventually come to realize this, even the Church mice will know that the GBC's guru appointment, guru by 2/3 show of hands vote, and their Gaudiya Matha advised "guru electing and voting system" in general, is a fraud. Moreover, the Gaudiya Matha guru voting system was never approved of by Srila Prabhupada. Moreover, the pure devotee does not even want the ecclessiastical rubber stamp of corrupt bureaucrats.]

SR: In addition, he is regularly breaking several of the seven vows taken at the time of becoming an initiating spiritual master in the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (as per ISKCON Laws 16.1.5.1.), in particular as listed below:

#5 "As a spiritual master, I shall always set a Krishna conscious standard for all devotees by my behavior, which shall be strictly regulated and exemplary at all times ...I shall not act in a way to diminish any person's faith in Krsna consciousness."

[PADA: And the first step is to get "voted in as guru" at the recoronation of a known homosexual pedophile guru, as occured. This is a real faith builder!]

#6 "I shall scrupulously study and review all aspiring disciples, and grant initiation only to qualified devotees so as to preserve the seriousness and sanctity of initiation." #7 "I shall give my disciples directions and examples in strict conformity with those of Srila Prabhupada."

The basic choices we are faced with is that either we are going to water down the qualifications required from a spiritual master, or then we are going to address the issue and rectify things in a clear-cut way for the ultimate benefit of everyone concerned, in making a more functional society both regarding the guru-disciple relationship, and in toto, in building our society into one of love and trust by exhibiting good integrity and genuine loving concern from the side of our leaders.

[PADA: Bully boy tactics, plotting and scheming on secret "com" forums, these are all ways to build love and trust? To start with, why are all of these "com" forums kept secret, and when pada exposes some of them, there is a panic in the GBC camp? Why are you hiding everything? Could it be that you have a lot to hide?]

SR: Please keep me posted. As I report something, I expect to get regular feedback as a sign of a genuine concern over the issue and as a means for mutually constructive communication, as well as a sign of the fact that something is being practically done in addition to discussing the subject matter in elaborate ways. I sincerely wish Suhotra Swami all the best for his journey back to Godhead. The path of purification may not be an easy one. Hoping this meets you in good health,

Your servant, Ekatma das

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17-Oct-99 - the original Suhotra report sent to three GBC representatives,
Prahladananda Swami, Trivikrama Swami and Bir Krishna das Goswami.
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The purpose of this letter is to bring to your attention the present situation of Suhotra Swami. [SuS]

The letter is divided into four sections,

(1) "primary evidence", consisting of things I have personally whitnessed,
(2) "secondary evidence", consisting of things I have heard from those who have whitnessed and whom I have considered reliable,
(3) "to be researched", containing things I cannot personally verify, and
(4) "subjective", containing my brief conclusions.

1. PRIMARY EVIDENCE

1.1 Sadhana and attending programs I have personally observed over a period of time the fact that Suhotra Swami does not regularly attend the morning programs. Often (I'd say at least half of the time) he skips all the programs altogether, and at times, when he is expected to give class, he comes for the class only, after the kirtan is over.

[PADA: Well at least he appears once every month or two, Stasvarupa cannot be found unless you hire a private investigator.]

SR: In this context it is to be noted that in the presence of his senior godbrothers, or others who dare to not accept everything as proper, his enthusiasm for attending the programs is remarkably increased for the time of their presence.

[note: I have personally whitnessed this. Once we visited a temple wherein a sannyasi godbrother of his is the president, and he happens to be strict in attending the morning programs. During the time of his presence, SuS was very much attending the programs, and displaying enthusiasm in the kirtana. However, when this godbrother of his left for a visit to the USA, not more than an hour after his departure my walkie-talkie says, bz-bz-z-EKATMA! - -z-z-COME-HERE!-z-bzt. He wanted us to bring in his video equipment and his box of videos. Well, ever since we rarely saw him attend the programs, but something I did see. I did see the light flashing in his room very often, both day and night, reflecting from his TV to the white walls of the room and to the window.]

It is to be observed that his attendance of programs goes hand in hand with the place where he happens to be in. It is known that he prefers to stay in places where "it is peaceful", that is, where he can have his schedules as he likes.

[note: since the letter of warning sent to SuS by Bir Krishna Goswami, he has made an effort to improve his attendance of the morning programs. The stability is yet to be seen.]

As far as my knowledge, he chants his 16 rounds, sometimes doing other things at the same time, such as reading, though. Besides this, no external sadhana is done to make up for the programs not attended.

[note: as far as his chanting, now I heard that he is chanting 64 rounds. This is nice to hear. I also heard him using it as an excuse for some nonsense. "Why are you using that much medicine, I have never seen any spiritual master use so much medicine, it is not good." "Well, not that many spiritual masters chant 64 rounds either." Gee, what an answer. Dazzlingly logical. This is not so nice. But for the average bhakta Joe someone's chanting 64 rounds means one is very much transcendental.]

1.2 Mundane videos Around the May of 1999, Suhotra Swami expressed a desire to bring a video set to "Mayapur Film Academy", along with various videos. The funds, this far approximately 1400 USD, was to be collected from the disciples. Exactly for what purpose the video set would be, was not known. However, as the time passed by, he chose to keep them with himself. It became obvious that the "Mayapur Film Academy" was not for real.

[note: most likely this "Mayapur Film Academy" meant SuS's and Bhakti-Vidyapurna Swami's video kutir somewhere in the Mayapur Gurukula.]

Already since March 1999, since his coming from India, he has exhibited an increasing desire to watch mundane movies. As I have seen the contents of some of the videos (which he likes to keep in a box well sealed) it is hard for me to believe they have anything whatsoever to do with Krishna consciousness. Classics from years ago, crime stories, horror. Still, weekly he spends quite some time in watching them.

Once again, he's ordering more. Wherefrom the money comes? From donations given by his disciples.

[note: the movies were mainly classics from the "noir"-genre from the 1940's. I would not consider the contents of the movies appropriate for a renounciate. "After Dark, My Darling", in the cover a naked man and a naked woman embracing. Not a pornographic one, though. His taste was more into depression. He used to watch ghastly horror movies, too.]

[note: he used to spend whole nights, until the early hours of the morning, watching these videos. In the evening he would go to a video rental store with his car-driver, come out with four-five videos, go into his room, lock the door, one could see the TV flashing light to the windows whole night, and the videos would be returned by the afternoon.]

[note: he has left the watching of videos after the letter of warning from BKG. The film noir videos are in a lager in Heidelberg. However, the video equipment is still in his van, traveling with him.]

1.3 Mundane literature It is well known that Suhotra Swami spends quite some time with mundane literature, apparently in studying for his projects. But as I have seen the books he is reading, nowadays they are mainly paperbacks, best-sellers, fictive stories. Nothing to really study. Previously his interest used to be more into philosophy and esotera, but nowadays... If the people who finance all of his purchases would know how the money given is spent, I doubt he would get them sponsored. He is using a considerable amount of his time with these books.

[note: if we estimate that he has purchased ca. 1000 books, each ca. 20 USD, this adds up to ca. 20.000 USD spent for mundane literature. He has explained to me his reading of books from the "noir"-genre, as well as watching movies of the kind, to be related to a project of his, which was to make a fictive Krishna conscious novel in the scene of 1940's. However, this project never took place, as he himself admitted. However, a good amount of time and money was wasted. "Film noir" is closely related with the strand of philosophy called existentialism, which he used to read in studying for his previous books. "One thing led to another", he told me, after my speaking out my opinion of his activities.]

[note: SuS personally promised me that he will give up the reading of irrelevant mundane literature, and will stop purchasing more. He told that he is leaving the majority of his books from the van into the Oslo lager, and keep only the most useful reference-sort of books, and moreover he will not add to the stock. However, as he left Oslo, I received news of his having two full trunks of books again in his van, and he also asked a disciple of his to go and check around the prices for some books. Also, during his visit to India, he ordered books to his stock, including a book about a Russian spy in the USA. Now, how is this relevant to anything, unless he will be preaching to Russian spies in the USA? Perhaps he will. If so, my obeisances unto him. In the meantime, I remain overwhelmed by his lack of truthfulness and integrity.]

1.4 Lies Regarding 1.1 and 1.2, he is regularly making excuses (that are at times obvious bluff) as to how things are. At times having a variety of sudden sickness, disabling him from morning programs, still allowing him to take prasadam as always, allowing him to spend his time in his room as always, might rise questions in a thoughtful mind. At times smuggling the video set into his room, and always packing it into boxes or covering with a chadar when not in use makes one think, whether everything is as it is supposed to be? Why cover up something, if it is for the service's sake?

In this subdivision also big contradictions between acara and pracara are to be noted. Speaking water, drinking wine, as the old proverb goes. [note: From the asana: "Association with the material sound vibration is like taking a knife and cutting the throat of our spiritual good fortune." Behind the scenes: watching mundane movies, hearing a gloomy jazz-soundtrack to a noir-movie. From the asana: "...and devotees of Krishna, when they see the karmi junk food, yuck, they throw it out the window!" Behind the scenes: purchasing cheese-tortillas and devouring them with great enthusiasm without caring whether it's offered or not.]

1.5 Medication Suhotra Swami carries with him a rather big bag of medication, including several painkillers, some containing caffeine, some containing lots of alcohol. He is using them regularly. With this, if not harming others (how we are to consider the caffeine in regards to "no intoxication"), he is at least harming himself.

[note: he has told me that he is getting rid of most of his medication. However, he is using a very expensive dietary medicine, and has lately purchased more. During his visit to Helsinki, after the whole issue came up, he commented on the medication, "I have tried to solve a material problem with a material solution. Now I am taking the holy name as my medicine." I wonder if this is very much of a responsible attitude. It is a rare soul who will cure the flu with the holy name. No doubt, it is possible.]

1.6 Vyasa-Puja You may be curious to note that whereas his godbrothers like to keep a lower profile with guru-worship, this year he has encouraged the arranging of a big Vyasa-Puja festival, near Prague, on the 20th of November. In addition, he has authorized the publication of a Vyasa-Puja book for his appearance day. It is not "inside ISKCON", so to say, as it will not mention ISKCON, thus not being against the GBC resolution.

[note: the publication of the VP-book was canceled just in time.] [note: during the initiation lecture at his VP, in direct opposition to the GBC resolution of emphasizing Srila Prabhupada as the pre-eminent siksa-guru for all generations to come, he over-emphasized the present diksa-guru as the way to the previous acaryas, and deriving from the "jive saksat nahe tate guru caitya rupa..." verse (CC Adi 1.58) a concocted meaning, explained how the disciple can approach Srila Prabhupada and the acaryas only through >the present guru. The verse in CC happens to speak about "siksa-guru mahanta svarupa", a siksa-guru, which is obviously Srila Prabhupada, and a mahanta svarupa, the form of a great mahanta devotee, which I doubt this present diksa-guru is, although he may try to act as if he was one by speaking such concoctions. According to Srila Prabhupada, the one who adulterates that which is in the sastra is a moha-andha instead of a mahanta.]

[note: on the initiation lecture given on his Vyasa-puja day, he did not speak one word about the disciple's relationship with Srila Prabhupada.]

[note: during the very same lecture, as we always explain the ten offences, he did summarize this by explaining in depth the "sadhu-ninda" and the "guror avajna", how such a terrible offence it is to offend the spiritual master. He also explained how "Bhaktivinoda Thakura said that the vaishnava is all-powerful, he can do anything, and if something is left undone, it is only his mercy for us." He further explained that if it appears that there is a defect in a vaishnava, it is actually only his mercy upon us so that we can serve him. I do not know what was going on in his mind as he spoke this, but I do know that the new devotees sitting in front of this vaishnava-guru on the asana considered him to be the all-powerful devotee described by Bhaktivinoda Thakura, and they understood that the apparent defects in SuS are only his mercy, and that they should be very careful to dare to assess or criticize him.]

1.7 Preaching Preaching, in addition to occasional lectures given, is practically not there. At exceptions. What Maharaja does in his room all these days and nights, is probably as foggy to me as it is to the person who receives reports from the GBC's and sannyasis.

[note: this is my experience from the one and half months I spent with him, and is obviously subjective. I do not claim that it is the complete picture. I have heard of his university preaching tours, too.]

2. SECONDARY EVIDENCE

2.1 Lady disciples Contrary to most of the ISKCON sannyasis, he allows lady disciples to come alone for a darsan, spending quite some time discussing with them. In addition, his relationship with some of them, young, cute and angelic, is something I think would not be approved by the Sannyasa Minister of ISKCON. Giving a friendly pat on her head or on her hand, dropping a laddhu into her mouth, sitting together the rooftop, watching the stars.

[note: it is strictly against the sannyasa dharma just to be alone with a woman in a room, what to speak of giving such "emotional support", as SuS called this excessive association, to non-married lady disciples. Some of his lady disciples have the experience of a tremendous change in the guru-disciple relationship after their change of ashram. One of them told me that she felt as if she didn't exist to SuS any longer, even though she used to be "daddy's little girl" before marrying.]

2.2 Collecting donations Collecting donations, including Guru-daksina, include a considerable sum of money. What it is used for, you need a rare soul to reply that one. It has also been noticed that he considerably favours those who like to donate considerable sums for his projects, unknown for the common men.

[note: recently one of his disciples gave him a daksina equaling ca. 2000 USD, which SuS put in his pocket without saying a thanks. The disciple was left very bewildered of such behavior.]

[note: I was told of SuS's speaking about his preaching in India, how it's nice, for the pious Indian people like to give nice donations. Now, what is this for an attitude of a preacher, in particular a sannyasi preacher?]

[note: as we speak of the attitudes of a parivrajaka sannyasi preacher, his dependency on the mercy of the Lord is definitely not shown in the fact that he collects excess amounts of things with him. Whenever he happens to be delighted by a particular kind of soft drink, cheese, or any such foodstuff, the car is equipped with 25 bottles of this soft drink and several kilos of this cheese. It makes it no easier to digest as a behavior of a sannyasi that he used to carry 10.000 USD cash with him when I traveled with him. This was before the Vyasa Puja. God only knows how much was in his pockets after that.]

2.3 Sama-darsinah Among disciples, some are openly favoured, more often ladies than not, whereas some are openly ridiculed. Those blindly obedient are protected, even though they may be wrong, whereas those who dare to question his behavior are pushed down for obedience with statements such as "You should not see the spiritual master, but to hear him", and in general this attitude of blind obedience is implanted in disciples by misapplying verses such as "yasya deve para haktir...", explaining that when the spiritual master is speaking, it is Krishna directly speaking. Thus anyone questioning or daring to disobey has just finished off his spiritual life. This one could call a kind of psychological suppression.

[note: this is sometimes done by "giving the sauce", as we like to put it in ISKCON slang, but more often by preaching in a particular way, as examplified in my notes to 1.6. I have personally whitnessed SuS calling a disciple of his crazy, insane and obsessed, as he was for weeks listening over and over again to a tape recording of SuS's japa. This disciple had the feeling that SuS is not pronouncing the whole mantra properly, but instead pronounces Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Mamamamamamamae, and he wanted to sincerely understand how this could be so. SuS told him that he is crazy and obsessed. He asked if he could take this tape to SuS's godbrother and ask him for advise. SuS told, "This is the test for you: can you control your mind? Stop listening to that tape! I have never advised my disciples to listen to my japa." He took this bullying as the mercy of his spiritual master. This person happens to be a sincere soul as far as my experience, and I could see how he was suffering with this. Interestingly enough, SuS does pronounce the end of the mantra as Hare Mamamamamamamae.]

[note: when a pure soul is speaking that which is learned from the sastras and from the guru, then definitely it is Krishna Himself speaking. However, it is not necessarily Krishna Himself speaking when it comes down to practical affairs within our subjective experience. But this is never explained to the neophyte disciple who is looking at every gesture of the guru as a sign from the spiritual world. More than turning off the brain, the spiritual master should be turning on the brain of the disciple, and teach him to become an independently thoughtful and competent individual, instead of becoming a dysfunctional authoritarian bureaucrate.]

[note: also I have heard many of his disciples complain how they feel like they have no relationship with SuS at all, when he answers their long letter with "Thank you. Hare Krishna!", and pays not all that much attention, what to speak of personal guidance in the spiritual life. Rather they feel neglected. Some feel like only their money and assets are cared for. Having seen some of the things I am relating in my presentation to you, rather than speaking up, some of them have taken their distance to him, as well as to the movement altogether, since he is a part of the movement and supported by the movement. Jiva Goswami actually recommends to worship such a guru from a good distance, so their choice is not all that bad.]

2.4 Abusing the GBC position Putting his godbrothers in positions, disregarding the opinion of local devotees. People who caused havoc at their positions. Examples to be given are Aja das and Viththalesvara das. Why such canvassing is going on, ought to be checked out. Actually, this one could be in section three as well, things worth investigating.

[note: actually, now that I take a good look around me, pretty much everyone in any position is doing the same thing to some extent, inasmuch as they have impurities left in the heart. Perhaps this was not worth reporting.]

2.5 Sadhu-sanga It is to be noted that he is not too fond of the association of his godbrothers. He rather is somewhere else, where he can act as he likes. Even we have seen him actively avoid some of them.

3. TO BE RESEARCHED

3.1 In 1980, Germany, something happened with a young boy. Whether it was abuse or something else, is under the investigation of the Child Protection Office. This one should be publicly clarified, to make it clear. Germany is the source of these discussions.

[note: the ISKCON CPO, Child Protection Office, has a fairly large case file on the issue, still open. This was first brought up in 1995, but was very quickly dealt by Harikesa and left under the carpet, besides an apology offered to the boy. More information regarding this will come later in the presentation. The CPO will address the issue in the course of time, inasmuch as they have evidence to address.]

3.2 Later, in Germany, something was going on between Suhotra Swami and a lady devotee, his assistant, after which Suhotra Swami was removed from Germany. He still keeps contact with this lady, and has visited her, as far as I have heard. As to what their present relationship is, I don't know.

[note: I asked SuS about this, and he admitted that he and this lady had a relationship not proper for a sannyasi to maintain, however nothing illicit ever took place. As far as removing from Germany, he told of having left of his own will, being exhausted with the post of a regional secretary. However, a majority of devotees in Germany know of his lofty behavior from those times, and do not glance upon him with a good eye.]

3.3 Why the topics this far discussed are being covered? If one searching for a spiritual master would be aware of the reality of these things, he might well re-consider his choice. As they come up after years, it places one in a rather discomfortable position.

[note: this is actually a major concern. I know a good number of Harikesa's disciples who felt utterly cheated by the institution, since a good number of leaders knew of his problems, but never informed the large public of devotees, who followed him in good faith right until the last days' crash. Many of the innocent young devotees considered him an uttama-adhikari, whereas several of his godbrothers knew that he was definitely not such. Not speaking out in such a situation we may call "fostering the illusion." As a matter of fact, the Caitanya Caritamrta, Mad. 5.90 states, "A person who knows things as they are and still does not bear witness becomes involved in sinful activities." Speaking only a palatable truth is not the mission of a preacher in a preaching movement. The mission of the preacher is to distinguish reality from illusion for the welfare of all, not to foster illusions in the name of protecting someone's faith.]

3.4 Also, many of the other topics apply in general. For example, Bhaktivaibhava Swami has his own antenna for watching all the 36 channels. Bhakti Vidyapurna Swami likes these movies too, as they watch them together with Suhotra Swami in Mayapur. Many authorities, who are considered as examples for the common man, have similar hobbies. Srila Prabhupada was very clear in this matter. Just switch on the Vedabase.

[note: now, I do not know how many channels Bhaktivaibhava Swami can see with his super antenna he got from his disciple, but I do know that watching TV late until the wee hours of the night is not the activity for a sannyasi, unless specifically within his range of service. I doubt this is the case here, yet I may be wrong. Bhaktividya-purna Swami and SuS have their "Film Noir Library" in the holy dham of Sridham Mayapur, where they watched these videos too. SuS has quite a stock of videos in Mayapur as well as in Europe, unless they were flushed away from their "Kutir Noir" by the floods. I pray this is what happened.]

4. SUBJECTIVE

It has become clear to me that the taste of Suhotra Swami is gradually shifting from spirit to matter. Before, long bhajans used to be his trademark. Now, long movies take that place from his schedule. Sravanam kirtanam visnoh is decreasing, whereas sravanam kirtanam for God knows what is increasing.

In the light of the contents of this letter, I can no longer believe that he is a person who responsibly instructs his disciples in their spiritual lives.

[note: lately I have not been able to observe him, but the reports I have received are concerning, as they indicate the presence of the same old habits in a mildly recycled fashion.]

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Quotes from my correspondance with the beforementioned three GBCs
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When SuS got a letter of warning from BKG, he did stop watching the videos, but at the same time kept reading his noir paperpacks and the stuff. He renounced the videos, yet not the interest. Also, recently as SuS got the three remaining videos from his order, he expressed his desire to see them. His car-drived gently informed him of his utter disgust upon hearing such a request. 'I just wanted to see them once', SuS commented.

He is all the time reading his mundane paperbacks and buying more. Takes no genious to figure out they have little or nothing to do with active devotional service.

Already for years, here and there, it happens that SuS tells the driver to stop the car in the city downtown, like Copenhagen, Hamburg or Hannover. Take an example, Hamburg, Altrona (this area is known of brodels, blue vision etc. sub-culture). The driver happened to park his car in the front of an Erotic Art Museum (which he noted later on). SuS went to a book-shop for almost three hours, between 20.30 to 23.30, returning without a single pamphlet. One might wonder, why he always jumps out of the car quickly, in karmi clothing, and wants to go alone.

[note: SuS has given me a detailed explanation of this particular adventure. He wanted to go to a highly recommended The English Bookstore, but they missed the address, and SuS then asked his driver to park the car near a subway station he saw. Then SuS took the subway to near this bookstore, but it was no longer open. Then he thought of Heinrich Heine bookstore, and discovered it was closed too. Then he returned to the car, obviously without books.]

[note: it is interesting to note that this is not the only report of his being seen in a questionable area of a city in karmi clothing.]

Last time, in Hannover, the book-shop adventure was 14.00-19.00. And he came back with zero books. As to how a vaisnava-sadhu spent his time in the city downtown, we cannot really say. The schedule also was spontaneous, as he didn't bother to tell the driver at all when he'll return.

[note: these events were related to me by his car-driver who was personally present.]

He used to stay in Greece at one householder couple's place at times for a month, even longer. He sometimes went out in karmi clothes to Athens downtown late at night, and came back only the next morning.

[note: obviously the only people who can confirm this to be true or false are this couple. Whether they are willing to speak about it, I can't say. Until then, this will remain a hearsay. It is interesting to note, however, that similar reports and hearsays are coming in often. "That is your duty as sannyasa, to keep yourself always above suspicion", said Srila Prabhupada.]

[note: a friend of mine visited the Greece temple, which basically meant a few housholder couples, and told that during her stay there SuS came from India and spent two weeks there without giving a single class. She expressed me her disappointment over the fact.]
-------
Just a few days back he got four ? litre bottles of a herbal medicine, containing 80% alcohol. I was told he drank about half of the bottle on their way from Heidelberg to Radhadesh. Ups. Even to drink 10cl of such liquid equals drinking one 75cl bottle of wine. In addition, he has a big bag full of medicine, some of which contain considerable quantities of caffeine. Sure the variety of pain-killers he is taking fits together with the new 80% medicine. For the stomach, he says.

[note: after taking the medicine, the driver described the car as smelling like a bar. SuS was visibly "tired." This was related to me by his driver and also whitnessed by his personal servant, who got very upset at the things he saw his spiritual master doing, and left his service after a month in a somewhat confused state of mind.]
-------
Bank accounts; to my knowledge, SuS has at least two bank accounts, the official one, containing the funds for his travel etc., kept by Bhagavat Dharma SS, and the private one, in Oslo, Norway. A friend of mine has a letter from the Den Norske Bank, dated 31.12.1999, stating the balance of over 260.000 NOK (ca. 50.000 USD) for the account of Roger Terrence Crowley, alias SuS. Who is monitoring the use of this account?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A short cronological summary of my experiences with SuS during 1999
----------------------------------------------------------------------

* Summer '99, SuS visiting Helsinki. * SuS is half-out of his room on the 4th floor, and amuses himself by pouring pots of water to the necks of the people walking down on the street below. Many complaints are made by the neighbours, who are shocked by the behaviour of this elderly gentleman, supposedly a religious leader.

[note: I whitnessed this - he poured literally liters of water down from the window to the street.]

Many nights SuS is walking back and forth in his room, making strange hobgoblin sounds to himself.

[note: one night later his driver was sitting outside SuS's room late at night, reading peacefully. He heard SuS murmuring, "...fuck, fuck, kill I kill..." in a very strange voice which he described as being like from another world. He told me that such behavior had been going on for years, walking back and forth in the night, speaking to himself in a strange way. Once I happened to be in a room sharing a wall with SuS, which he didn't know. He thought he was all alone. All of a sudden I heard a tremendous slam, and SuS shouted, "Why do I have to tolerate this shit!" in a very agitated and angry voice. All of this I do not consider this to be a behavior of a person equipped with a normal psychology.]

Many mornings SuS does not attend the programs, and when he comes, he drops in to give the class only, and after the class shoots out from the asana like a missile into the car, and away to the flat.

[note: several devotees were amazed and disturbed by such eccentric, proud behavior he exhibited.]

* October '99, SuS traveling around Poland and Czech. * SuS spends his nights watching "film noir" movies, often 'til the early hours of morning. He spends lots of money for buying and renting such movies. Money given as donations for his "projects".

[note: his car-driver even became a member of "American Video Club" in Prague, on the order of his spiritual master, to facilitate this hobby of SuS's. SuS used to go downtown checking out the videos in a jogging suit and dark sunglasses.]

SuS attends the morning programs on a random basis, not regularly. He chants his rounds here and there through the day, sometimes reading while chanting. SuS spends, and has spent, huge chunks of money for purchasing nonsensical karmi literature, often just paperback novels, which he reads through his days. SuS exhibits very duplicious behavior, making up excuses for the things he does. Naturally, big contradictions are found between acara and pracara, as he presents the philosophy from the asana and behaves very opposite.

[note: as far as the duplicious behavior, lately I have caught him twisting other people's words, including BKG's, to facilitate his own agenda, to try and convince some devotees that he has no problems. I also caught him calling me a deceitful snake, and telling one of his disciples that whatever I may say should not be taken seriously. A friend of mine saw a letter SuS wrote about me. This is very kind of SuS, since he used to tell me how I was actually one of his best disciples, since I truly cared about the welfare of my spiritual master, and how I was answering a prayer of his by speaking out these things a good while back.

Now I learn that he is discrediting me behind my back. Lately there was some buzz of my name I received from SuS, a few of his disciples were of the opinion that I should change back to my pre-initiated name. Well, now I learn that this is most likely because SuS is referring to me with this karmi name, without informing me of his policy. God bless his worst disciples, if this is the kindness he shows towards a person who used to be "one of my best disciples". Nothing in my approach to the issue has changed ever since these statements of SuS. It only shows how he has a good set of faces to put on in playing his chess with people, calculating which face will serve his agenda.*]

[*footnote: the letter herein mentioned may be a product of a disciple of SuS which is presented in SuS's name. This is not clear up to date. SuS did not admit having written such things.]

SuS directly violates the GBC resolutions by de-emphasizing Srila Prabhupada and our relationship with His Divine Grace in his initiation lectures, wherein he over-emphasizes the present diksa-guru, indirectly comparing himself to nitya-siddha devotees such as Srila Prabhupada and Bhaktivinoda Thakura.

[note: this we discussed already. If the guru speaks from the asana about the great gurus, the non-discriminating audience will see the guru sitting on the asana in a similar way. This is the import of the words "indirectly comparing". I do not say whether he does it consciously or not, since I am not able to read his mind. What I do say is that he should better consider his words to avoid misunderstandings.]

SuS carries with himself a big bag of medicine, painkillers and herbal medicines, many of them including big chunks of caffeine. Once he swallows about half of the contents of a ?litre bottle of a herbal extract containing 80% alcohol, and is visibly 'tired'.

* Sometime in the past. * During his visits to India, SuS has been sitting on a rooftop with a young lady disciple, gazing at the stars in the middle of the night, explaining the constillations. In addition, he often gives private darsans to his lady disciples, in opposition of the sannyasa dharma.

[note: this is something I learned as I was his personal servant. I used to send and receive his mail. My conscience forced me to check what is going on, as I begun to notice his strange behavior, and as I noticed the strange headlines of some of the letters he received. The passage above on sitting on the rooftops, explaining the constillations, is based on what SuS has personally written. Now, I do know that someone will be very upset for my doing this. However, what is done is done. My deep apologies for anyone who may feel hurt by this. I did it for your sake, for your ultimate good. I had no personal interest to read his mail. Please try and understand.

Obviously SuS felt discomfortable about these letters, since he wanted me to erase these very same letters from his COM-account immediately after receiving BKG's letter of warning. I did know how to pick up the text numbers from the log-file and to unerase them, being amazed of the sudden urgent need to erase old texts, or to "destroy the evidence".]

From the his past, early '80s in the Germany, some people accuse SuS of child abuse. The CPO, ISKCON Child Protection Office, has a fairly large case file on the issue, yet to be issued. SuS himself says he has in a friendly manner been scaring a youngster. The testimonies I've heard and gathered give a different angle of view. The youngster, or now a man in his thirties, has become a born-again Christian, having gone through a mental asylum at his later years. I have been trying to contact a close relative of the youngster whom I have heard to claim that in addition to beating the young boy, SuS did nasty things with his genitalia.

[note: as I have not been there personally, I can't give an absolute statement on what has happened, or whether anything has happened. The case was brought up again after the departure of Harikesa, who was the one to quickly handle the issue and set it aside, ordering those making the complaint, his disciples, to be silent. It is worth considering that SuS has changed his statement of what took place since his 1995 apology. Back then he confessed having hit the boy, but now he tells that he said it because he was confused and deeply shocked by the allegiation, and thought that perhaps he had done such a thing, his memories are vague. Now he says that he only scared the boy with a skeleton mask in a friendly way.

The boy, or now a man, is not willing to come out with the case. He says, "Whatever happened 20 years ago...for me it's cleared up...I think we talked it out and now all is good." I have heard from a friend of his, however, that he used to speak different several years back. It is obvious that he does't want to stir up the old case any longer, since he is not involved with ISKCON any longer, and obviously doesn't have an agenda of helping our movement deal with its dirty history. He just wants to forget it all, whatever it was, having gone through a mental institute in his later years, having become a good Christian. He just wants to have his peace.

I am personally not convinced of SuS's innocence merely on the basis of his statement, for I have seen how much he lacks integrity and good character. So often I discovered him lying with bright eyes.]

-----------
Let us close the presentation with a quote from the Jaiva Dharma of Bhaktivinoda Thakura, describing the gist of the qualities of a bona fide spiritual master, leaving some food for thought for the reader.
----------

"The qualifications of a bona fide spiritual master and a bona fide disciple are elaborately described in Sri Hari-bhakti-vilasa. The gist of that description is this: A person who has faith and a pure character is qualified to be a disciple. A person who is engaged in pure devotional service, who knows the science of devotional service, whose character is saintly, who is honest, straightforward, and sincere, who is not greedy, who is not an impersonalist, and who is expert in performing his spiritual duties is qualified to be a bona fide spiritual master."

Text: COM:3179482)

-----------------------------------------
------- End of Forwarded Message -----

Suhotra "Swami"
Requests Leave-of-Absence as Guru and GBC

Suhotra rides off into the sunset leaving the remaining GBC to handle all of the upcoming crises and battles. Good timing!
EC = Executive Committee /

By the GBC Executive Committee (EC)

Date: 21 June, 2000: H. H. Suhotra Swami, who serves as an initiating guru and as a GBC regional secretary in several European countries, has requested the GBC Executive Committee to grant him a one-year leave-of-absence from his responsibilities as GBC and guru. As a letter from Suhotra Swami appended below explains, a recent sequence of trying events in ISKCON has brought him to an acute awareness of certain personal emotional issues, which for many years he had not confronted and which are rooted in an extremely difficult early family life.

[PADA: A guru is supposed to have already transcended the problems from his family life? "I was immersed in thinking of Radha and Krishna when I suddenly remembered when my sister put a frog down my shirt when I was in third grade." Ummm, what?]

EC: After consulting with senior Godbrothers and with the GBC chairman, Suhotra Swami has concluded that in order to deal with these matters fully and completely, he requires a sabbatical period free from the stresses and demands of his regular duties. In addition he wishes to take the help of professional devotee counseling.

[PADA: Uhhh, ohhh. Another guru "goes on sabbatical." Let's see, Ramesvara went on Sabbatical, and so did Jaggadish, Jayatirtha, Harikesha, and a whole pack more. Satsvarupa has been "on Sabbatical" for the past 47 years. Why is this? "The guru is supposed to give daily guidance," so says the GBC, but he is on vacation? And the guru also needs "professional counseling"? The acharya is a sick mental case puppy? The guru is as good as God, and so, God needs a psychiatrist?]

EC: Ravindra Svarupa dasa, the GBC Chairman, has personally met with Suhotra Swami and discussed the matter in depth with him. Ravindra Svarupa dasa reports that he finds Suhotra Swami's attitude and approach to be highly mature and Krishna conscious, and that he believes that Suhotra Swami ought to be given full emotional and spiritual support by ISKCON devotees, who may anticipate his quick return to his normal duties.

[PADA: You mean his "normal activities" of pretending that he is transcendental and thus cheating the public thereby?]

EC: Accordingly, the Executive Committee grants Suhotra Swami's request for a one-year leave of absence from his guru and GBC duties. This will be for an indeterminate period of time, but at least beyond the GBC meeting at Mayapura, when, as a matter of course, a more complete consideration of his situation will be undertaken.

[PADA: Yep, in Mayapura we can get him ghost-busted.]

EC: The Executive Committee of the European Regional Governing Body will consult with the leaders of the areas in which Suhotra Swami has been serving as GBC to make sure his services are covered during his leave of absence. Suhotra Swami will not perform initiations during his leave, and he has also given written instructions to his disciples. These have been endorsed by the GBC Chairman.

[PADA: A goofball is not a guru, and thus he has no disciples? This is what the GBC and the Gaudiya Matha cannot figure out. Jim Jones also said that he had disciples and that he was like Jesus, no, he was and is a fraud. Only a bona fide guru can take the karma of his flock, make them into bona fide disciples, take them back to Godhead, and so on.]

EC: Any of his disciples may correspond directly with the Chairman if they have further issues or problems. Here is the statement to ISKCON devotees from Suhotra Swami.

--------------
19 June, 2000
Dear Vaisnavas (Maharajas, Prabhus, Prabhvis),

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. Taking a straw in my mouth I submit this statement at your lotus feet. There is an account of some of my failings circulating through the e-mail medium. [A comment on that is to be found in the footnote at the bottom.] If that has disturbed you, dear reader, I apologize to you. If I have knowingly or unknowingly offended you by my past behavior, I beg for your forgiveness.

[PADA: Ohh ohh! Pada has caused another maha - bhogha - what? "guru" to have a nervous cantanction attack.]

EC: I have a problem with depression.

[PADA: Well no kidding, you cheat people and you think Krishna is going to make you feel happy? No, you are going to be like you role model: Sats-he-duped-ya. He is also depressed and sitting in a dark room writing prayers to spider man shoes, you are like Mr. Duped-ya.]

EC: Depression is nowadays classified as an illness, not just a moody state of thinking.

[PADA: Well, if you are a guru that means you are thinking of Radha and Krishna 24 hours a day. How come you are depressed? Is Krishna depressing? What kind of rubbish is this? You are a most severe offender. Krishna is depressing? What rubbish! Is it depressing to think of God? NOT! Why not admit that you are not remembering God 24 hours a day like a real guru, rather you viciously self-advertised yourself as such, and that is why you are depressed, you are in illusion and you are a severe offender to boot. You are not thinking of God --at all!]

EC: From a Krsna conscious point of view, the cause of depression is deep-rooted attachment.

[PADA: Umm, so you have deep-rooted depression, deep-rooted attachments, deep-rooted illusions, and in sum deep-rooted forgetfulness of God, so that means you are in deep-rooted maha maya, not yoga maya like a bona fide guru. So, that means you are deep-rooted in cheating us...]

EC: The roots of my depression in this lifetime go back to when I was a child, which was for me a time of special torment.

[PADA: Ohhh really? So, being tormented as a child causes problems later on? Ummm hmmm. So why did you support the enforced cult ritualistic worship of homosexual pedophiles cult, which tormented our society's children of ISKCON so miserably? You know that tormenting children is bad, so why do you support the violent homosexual pedophile guru's regime?]

EC: I joined ISKCON with a view to flee away from all the problems of my childhood.

[PADA: And then you joined up with the people who created hell for other people's childhood. You got away from your problem by joining another worse problem.]

EC: But the instrument of the practice of bhakti-yoga, i.e. my mind, was not only unstable in the usual sense (cancala), but also deformed under a burden of unhappy issues with my family. Thus for the entire time I've been a devotee I've had nearly zero contact with my family. Of course I found happiness in my new family, ISKCON.
So gradually, somehow or other, I accepted sannyasa, guruship, and membership on the GBC -- not because I wanted these positions particularly; they were for preaching. As a preacher I was not unsuccessful, by the mercy of Srila Prabhupada. Temples opened, devotees joined. But from time to time I was bothered by bouts of depression, which weakened my grip on my ISKCON responsibilities. This trend started to became especially problematic in 1996, when I was made chairman of the GBC. In 1997 I was vice-chairman; depression over the "Was Prabhupada poisoned?" issue forced me to resign that post.

[PADA: Well yes, this is good. Good boy! You did something right here. Bravo. There is a spark of light in the cloud of your darkness.]

EC: When in 1998 Harikesa das repudiated Srila Prabhupada, yet another wave of depression swept over me, since I respected Harikesa as my sannyasa guru and thought of him as a staunch Prabhupada man.

[PADA: OK, why would a staunch "Prabhupada man" be the biggest loudmouth defender of the enforced cult ritualistic worship of homosexual pedophiles, as "Srila Prabhupada's successors"? You are in illusion worse than any karmi, who never supports the above agenda.]

EC: I don't mean for you to take all this as reasons for my depression, though they are certainly precipitation factors. Actually, "reasoning" was part of my problem all along -- that I looked around for different "reasons" for my unhappiness, thinking they could be overthrown by superior logic. But the actual cause lies in the heart.

[PADA: Also good. If the heart is polluted, then there can be no happiness. So why is a person who has a polluted heart being advertised as pure in heart?]

EC: It is the same cause Krsna gives in Bhagavad-gita for Arjuna's unhappiness: hrdaya-daurbalyam, or weakness of heart. Weakness that was already there from a disturbed childhood gradually became more apparent under pressure. With a Godbrother trained in psychological counseling, I've discussed my childhood problems. He was emphatic that they amount to a serious disorder.

[PADA: Well if you have serious mental problems, you should not have been considered as a bona fide parampara guru. This is most offensive.]

EC: I cannot solve a problem like this myself. Since the chairmen of the GBC for years 1999 and 2000 support measures of my recovery rather than my renouncing all position and just fading into oblivion, I have requested the GBC Executive Committee to authorize a program of rehabilitation.

[PADA: Ohh ohh, Ravindra Swarupa still wants the people who de facto admit that they are cracking to remain as "Srila Prabhupada's guru successors." Will he never learn? Yes, Ravindra does not want you to "fade into oblivion" because he is going to court real soon and he needs all the allies he can get. "Don't go riding off into the oblivion sunset cowboy Dusty-pada, the Turley injuns are gonna attack us GBC at midnite, we need all the guns we can get....]

EC: This will involve a leave of absence from GBC/guru responsibilities while I take counseling from a devotee professional. In embracing this program, I think of Srila Prabhupada's statement thus: An exalted devotee of the Lord never thinks that he is a paramahamsa or a liberated person. He always remains a humble servant of the Lord. In all reverse conditions, he agrees to suffer the results of his past life. He never accuses the Lord of putting him into a distressed condition. These are the signs of an exalted devotee. Tat te 'nukampam susamiksyamanah. When suffering reversed conditions, the devotee always considers that the reverse conditions are the Lord's concessions. He is never angry with his master; he is always satisfied with the position his master offers. In any case, he continues performing his duty in devotional service. Such a person is guaranteed promotion back home, back to Godhead. I do not consider myself an exalted devotee, but since these instructions apply to all of us, I am taking them to heart.

Your humble servant, Suhotra Swami

[Footnote] I tried escaping the depression of recent years by taking shelter of writing. I've published three books; the fourth was to be a novel or filmscript set in the year 1951. Why set it in that year? I discovered in a 49 year old issue of *Harper's* magazine a short story entitled "Grandma and the Hindu Monk" that featured a Gaudiya Vaisnava sadhu who arrived in New York and moved in with a Jewish family, where he chanted the holy names, worshiped Tulasi and preached Krsna-bhakti. I conceived of a plot that would take advantage of the prophetic quality of this magazine article.

To catch the flavor of the times I aquired some films-on-video originally produced in the late '40's-early '50's. I also read books from that time and about that time. And I got carried away. My sadhana deteriorated. I was collecting books and videos and whiling away the late hours with them. I admit it was a waste of time. So I've handed over the collection to a devotee in America who majored in film and graphic computer arts and now works professionally in that area. Maybe something will yet come out of the idea.

About the indications of other failings, I beg for your forgiveness and understanding. Due to an unfortunate childhood I have an emotional disorder, and this has influenced my spiritual life. It is only by the amazing power of Srila Prabhupada's mercy that I could serve in his mission at all. I pray that under his loving grace and the loving guidance and support of his sincere followers that the obstacles to favorable devotional service shall be removed.

Subject: Letter from Suhotra Swami to his disciples

My beloved disciples, please accept my blessings. All glories to Srila Prabhupada and His Divine Grace. It so happens that I suffer from a condition known as "depression." Depression is classified not simply as an emotional mood, but as a disease. The root of this state of mind goes back to my childhood, and the fruit of it has appeared as a growing inability to get a grip on my responsibilities. I used to think that simply by continuing to travel and preach as I've done for years that I'd overcome all obstacles. I've found that in my case at least it doesn't work.

After consulting with the GBC Executive Committee, I find I need to have at least one year of stress-free life of secluded devotional service and counseling by devotee professionals. For that time my GBC service will be handled by others. I want you to know emphatically that I love all my disciples and am most thankful for their services. I pray to the lotus feet of Krsna for your spiritual security. Please take shelter of Srila Prabhupada and his books; please seek instructions from advanced Vaisnavas in ISKCON.

If you so desire I shall continue on as your spiritual master, but you cannot demand too much of me at the moment. So, for example, if you are having questions and problems that need solving, please seek out others who are qualified to guide you. For the coming period of time my traveling must be reduced to an absolute minimum. I am pained that I cannot visit you for a while. Please understand that I am suffering from an illness. Other senior ISKCON devotees have had to step back from dynamic traveling and preaching due to physical illness. Please pray my illness will pass, and we will see one another again, healthy and happy, as we did in the "good old days!"

Please also understand that I seek the solution to my problems through GBC assistance. Srila Prabhupada desired the GBC to represent his intelligence. Thus I am convinced that I am submitting to Prabhupada's desire in accepting this program of rehabilitation. I request you all to be similarly convinced. If any of *you* are having or will have difficulties, please follow my example in this regard. I thank you again, and again emphasize the fact that I love you and that therefore I cannot leave you. I pray you will continue to reciprocate this love. Hare Krsna.

Your ever well-wisher,
Suhotra Swami

Suhotra "Swami" - his official resignation

originally posted on the ISKCON Internet Site
http://www.iskcon.com/new/050403ss.htm